The kitchen table, among other things...

Furniture porn is a thing. Especially among gay men above a certain age.

I happen to be comfortably above that age. Uncomfortably so, perhaps. It hits around the point where you begin to look at a home or apartment as less than a crash pad and more as a place to build your best life. So...maybe mid-to-late 20s? At latest. Maybe even earlier, if you are An Ambitious Type.

In some ways, I feel like I'm playing catch-up on my life relative to what is broadcast to me by culture. Now that I'm leaving the bee more and more behind, I'm thinking (somewhat) about what I should do with life. Not a bad thing when you're...oh, just a few short years shy of 50. Granted, many people my age may be thinking the same thing. I think we're all in the same boat.

The kitchen table I've had has been a throwback to the 1980s. Dark wood, lacquered finish, a fair number of scratches...not something at this point that you would have if you are trying to impress someone. It may not be an actual 1980s table, but it certainly looks like it. If not a kitchen table, it looks like it should have a banker's lamp on it, with a glass top that is sea green when you look at it from the side. And it's a table I took as a hand-me-down from my ex. So God knows how long he's had it.

I also had four dark chairs from IKEA that accompanied – but most definitely did not complement – the table. These were wood with a matte finish. Smaller chairs, good but not ideal.

The new table

Well. I'm happy to say those days are gone. A month ago, I drove to Pottery Barn, saw a few tables I liked, got steered in the right direction by a manager there ("Oh, no. Don't even think about that table. This set is for life. I've never had anyone return this set"), and placed an order for a dark finish on a good-sized round table with four chairs that will comfortably seat men of size. Like, I could see up to a 500-pound giant sitting on one of these chairs comfortably.

A few days ago, I took the glossy kitchen table and IKEA chairs downstairs, and two days later, got the kitchen table and chairs delivered. And oh my God what a wonderful change. This table fits this house – and the decor – perfectly. All similar colors and style...fairly rustic, slightly industrial, very masculine, rough around the edges, plenty of character, and I so love it. So does Dennis, for that matter. And this is, truly, for life. I doubt I see myself getting a different table later on.

Why is this such a big deal?

Ya know, I didn't really think of it as such a big deal before. A kitchen table? Whatever. A house has a kitchen table. You eat there. Maybe you do other things there.

But once this table was delivered, I sat down, and felt a sense of calm, of peace. I started imagining having good, involved, friendly conversations about the future there. This is a table at which to plan your future. This is a table of substance, of seriousness. And it is truly lovely. I'm sitting at it right now, in fact, enjoying writing this blog post here.

I love having my morning coffee here, reading Crazy Rich Asians and musing about the extravagant lives the characters lead. I love eating here with Dennis. I can see me, Dennis, and Mark all sitting here and discussing life goals. And I also enjoy sitting and enjoying tiki drinks here too. The wood is maybe a bit serious for this, but I could imagine it as deep mahogany, and that might work.

It makes me want to have regular meals here. I've even moved Teva's water and food bowls back near this table so we can eat together. It may contribute to a happy dog and human existence.

See, I understand now why people use the kitchen table as a place to hold family meetings. And I understand why people do not like having the TV on during meals. It distracts from the solidarity of a family. There's no other place where all family members hang out regularly to do things. In this case, food and drink are not distractions. They fuel people and contribute to productivity...however you'd define that.

So. I'm happy to have this table. And I look forward to seeing how life changes for the better as a result.