Relationships

Wow...that was easy!

Damn. Never underestimate the power of writing down feelings, coming up with an action, and then acting on it right on the spot. All that angst in my last post? Gone. All negativity utterly deflated and blown away by a light breeze. I've walked on and been much happier since. Life is good. (1/13/25)

Now...replaced by other difficulty regarding my family...and it's all in my brain. Basically, the difference between me and them. I'm afraid I keep going to a point where I separate them from me and feel this dichotomy. Lighthearted things like "There are two types of people in my family: there's people who like Adam Sandler movies, and then there's me." But then there's things like "people included in the family business, and then there's me." Is it weird that I wonder if it's my nature coming out as opposed to my nurture? Is my nature really that strong? It has to be. Kim always expressed admiration that I always walked to my own beat and was my own individual. Well, it's good up to a point. As I told her, it's just me being me. And as an example of the power of the individual, I told her to imagine either her or (especially) Chad being adopted into a family of people like me, and how much dichotomy would exist there as well. She got it.

I had been included in the family business as the so-called secretary, much as Kim is the treasurer. But when Chad asked me to proof some of his communiqués and I made some corrections that rubbed against what he'd been comfortable with for years, he bristled. And I'm certain it raised our issues of me editing/mocking his writing when we were younger. Back then, we were much more at loggerheads than we are now. Back then, I was trying to establish an identity, and for worse, I chose to do that in a way that made our relationship suffer. Now, we interact cordially, but keep interaction to a minimum. And after a few times he gave me some communiqués to edit, he saw what I see: I was not contributing sufficiently to his success and his bottom line. I'm not doing anything he can't do. So he hasn't sent along anything for me to edit for at least six months, possibly closer to a year.

Unfortunately, this is not one thing that will be resolved easily or quickly, like the last thing was. If it ever will at all. We've both lived long lives, and they've grown ever more separate.

Well, enough for now.