Fashion, circa 2023

Or: wherein GQ looks at the post-pandemic landscape and tries to proffer guidelines.

God bless them. They try.

I just read GQ's attempt at guiding men's fashion. I'm one lucky duck for being able to look at some of these edicts and accept them, then look at others and brush them away without compunction. Years ago, in a much less fashionable age, I decided to subscribe to GQ and learn some stuff from them. Remember, my college years were spent in a small town in Minnesota known, as per one Trivial Pursuit question, for boasting two colleges yet just one bar. (And that bar barely qualified; yes, I've been there.) Replace "bar" with "clothing store," and it would probably be just as accurate. (Well, barring places like Target and college gift shops.) That store was Ragstock, known for vintage and used clothing as much as anything. Fifth Avenue, we were not.

Anyhow, GQ guided me well back in the late 2000s, and I will be very grateful for its input. I eventually discontinued the subscription, and some of its edicts stuck with me.

Tonight, I perused this article, and it sometimes made me giggle. Which were the laughable parts?

• Cut more stuff up. Oh, heavens no. Make jeans into jorts? Cut oxford shirts into the equivalent of upper-body capris? Cut T-shirts into crop-tops? Does this person really know what they're recommending? UGH.
• Bowties are never cool, unless you're wearing a tuxedo. Sir, I beg to differ. Yes, you use Tucker Carlson as a fashion don't, and I applaud that. But. Men from Robert Fulghum to Indiana Jones to Jesse Tyler Ferguson have been rocking the bowtie with panache for decades. And as an editor who appreciates the bow tie so much I named my business after it, I confidently kick this piece of sartorial advice to the curb.
• Tie more sweaters around your shoulders. NO. The last thing we need is more Skipper McGillycuddys running around looking like they're ready for a yacht trip to Newport, Rhode I. As for heavy hoodies...um...this just seems to scream effete.
• Get everything tailored—even your T-shirts. As a man of size, I appreciate a good tailor. I encourage other similarly well-upholstered gentlemen to take advantage of the services of a good tailor. Above a certain weight, you need this. Most men who are 5'10" and 170 pounds will have a relatively similar build. Add another 100 pounds, and no one can predict which part of the body will bulge out more—or whether an item of clothing will hang, cling, strain, or pucker (un)attractively. But T-shirts? Come on. There is a limit. Honestly, good luck finding a tailor who will work on the simple, pedestrian T-shirt. 
• Never wear shorts to the movies or on a plane. The justification for this comes down to this: Ew. Cooties. To which I retort: Good God, man, grab your cojones and deal with your germphobia. It's pathologic by now.
• Friends don't let friends wear henleys. Okay...so henleys are not the fashion sensation that's sweeping the nation. Granted. And maybe this is a holdover from my days in Minnesota. But every man has their equivalent of their comfy old ratty shirt they just can't bear to part with. Mine is probably the henley. And that's not going to change. But don't worry: you won't see me wearing it to the symphony.

Not all of the article was laughable, of course. Some parts rang true—and more often, it was the parts that could have applied at any point in sartorial history. To wit:

• Create a work uniform. It has been documented over and over: dressing for success really does improve how you perform at work. I personally have noticed it all the time. I've also noticed the obverse: not dressing for success stalls performance. And creating a uniform—a reliable, repeated version of whatever makes you feel great and perform well—shifts things for the better. (Note to self: get back in this habit!)
• Buy multiples of anything you love. This kinda dovetails into the previous one. Have a shirt you feel great in? No reason to just have the one. Optimize the look by having more of them. Same for pants, shoes, socks...all the above. I even just did the same with sunglasses. (I'm feeling the pinch a bit—Sunglass Hut ain't a bargain basement—but I love what I bought, and I'll be wearing them for years and years to come.)
• Understand your body. About as timeless and sensible a piece of advice as can be given.

And as for the less timely parts I still jibe with?

• Repeat your outfits over and over and over. As Maria Callas once said in her one-woman play, "You have to have a look! And if you don't have one, get one!" (Also, see above edicts about work uniforms and buying multiples.)
• Lose your sleeves more often. Yep. Sun's out, guns out. (Pity it's now fall.) I would agree with the same philosophy applied to shorter shorts and exposing manly thighs, but...*sigh*...we haven't seen short shorts since at least the early '80s. All sorts of sartorial mishaps have happened in the meantime, but the hemline refuses to budge the slightest bit above low-mid thigh. I blame homophobic men.
• Document every fit. There may come a point where you go a little OCD about things, and this may skirt that point. But hey...if you can, in Joan Holloway's immortal words, "really evaluate where your strengths and weaknesses are" with the help of phone pics, it may be worthwhile. No putting a paper bag over your head necessary, even.
• Wear a tie without a jacket. I've done this a number of times, and never felt underdressed. I like the look.
• Never wear flip-flops outside of the beach or pool. With a few minor exceptions, yes. (I'm in Hawaii right now, and have spent most of the day at both places, then went to a local mall.) But I agree with this. There's a reason Rufus Wainwright wrote the immortal couplet "I did go from wanting to be someone/Now I'm drunk and wearing flip-flops on Fifth Avenue."