Ramblings

Not sure where this is gonna take me, but I just want to write some.

Today was a very interesting day. I drove up to Granby, to Windy Gap Reservoir. This was supposed to be a big day for Bud, were he here. As he was not, we the kids showed up to represent him at a ceremony about...um...his work with conservation groups to help create a wetland area around Windy Gap. I think this was supposed to be the beginning of this project, and over the next few years, this wetland area will fill in, creating a great habitat for fish and all that depend on the fish.

Windy Gap ain't exactly around the corner from me. Nor from Denver proper. It took a good half hour for me to get to the west side of Denver, then another half hour to get to Empire, another to get to Winter Park, and finally, after two hours total, I got to Windy Gap. I arrived a few minutes before the ceremony began, but I still was a bit of a walk away, and by the time I got to the tent, it had already started. So, of course, I spent a bit of time kicking myself for showing up late.

Chad got up to speak toward the end, representing Bud and his work, and damn he spoke well. He looked very much at ease. It was wonderful to see him...looked totally in his element.

After the ceremony, we the kids walked up to the top of the dam, where Nicholas, the guy who arranged Bud's funeral video, quickly interviewed Chad, then asked the three of us (well, four, including Fraser) to quickly say something about what this meant, bringing together the idea of family unity and such. Then pointed at me, whereupon I stammered, but eventually came up with some pithy comment that incorporated the buzzwords "family" and "conservation" and "outdoors" and "Colorado" in an appropriate manner.

And you all know why I stammered at first.

So, driving home after this ceremony that was less than an hour in total but four hours round-trip gave me time to reflect. I'm unfortunately one negative motherfucker. I dwell on the negative. Like so:

I probably first began thinking Dad was not someone to emulate at Conejos Cabins all those years ago. I had seen him playing cards, and when he lost, would say "Gol-LY" in a long, drawn-out manner. It kinda stuck with me. It seemed somehow an appropriate thing to do, or perhaps an adult thing to do. At any rate, a kid who's less than six years old tries to emulate his elders, right? So at some point, when I was playing Parcheesi or Sorry! or maybe even cards, and luck did not go my way, I let fly with a Dad-inspired "Gol-LY!"

WHAM!

Bud, in his vernacular, hauled off and hit me upside the head. I did not know why. I looked up at him and caught a very stern face back. So, I learned very quickly never, never to say "Gol-LY!" again. And by extension, learned maybe it was not a good idea to look to Dad for how to act. That was maybe even before 1980, so yeah...that memory has stuck with me for years.

What do I not remember? The positive things about Bud on that trip. I remember that. I remember him hollering at me and Chad not to throw rocks in the river while he was trying to fish (okay, that one's understandable). I remember him trying to teach me how to fish when I was feeling weak and bored and all I wanted to do was to sit down and not be outside. There were, undoubtedly, the good things. Okay. S'mores. His wacky harmonica. But not much else.